Love, Strech Monster Style!

I never had a stretch monster myself, but many of my friends had them. I remember that everyone wanted to know what was inside, so one of them had the bright idea to operate! He stuck a fork into the poor guys chest and squeezed out four blobs of red goo. Everyone was saying "Cool" and "Sweet". So, being an idiot kid, he began to eat the goo so he could get his "power". Pretty soon, every ones Stretch Armstrong, and Stretch Monster had the tell-tale fork marks on their chests. Everyone thought that the blood was yummy. To stop the never ending goo leakage, some began to put band-aids on their chests, to cover the parasitic wounds that they had inflicted on their friends! I never ate that goo... Even as a little shit, I knew that that stuff COULD NOT be good for you! Years later I bought myself a WWF Junkyard Dog stretch toy. It wasn't the same! Instead of the dense, hard goo that I was familiar with, it was packed with POWDER. It took about 3 months for the JYD's cheap rubber skin to breakdown and rot, releasing gross talc all over my room and person.

Check out STRETCH MONSTER CHRISTMAS 1977 and SUCKING STRETCH ARMSTRONG which (insanely enough) I DID NOT read before I wrote my little story!

There's something creepy about Super 8mm!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I took a razor to a stretch armstrong with a friend of mine. We slit him open like a fish to see this aforementioned goo. We weren't dumb enough to eat it, just weird enought to take a razor and cut up a toy. Shades of serial killers, I suppose. Losttrack of said freind